The Batman is The Suck.

Batman: The Animated Series was amazing. It was as visually impressive as it was deep and rich in plot. I don’t think I knew how good we had it. Until now.

You see, a couple nights ago I managed to stumble across an episode of The Batman. It’s the new anime-inspired cartoon that seems to take a lot of it’s cues from the Adam West live-action Batman series, particularly in it’s puns.

And these are serious turbo puns. For example, Mr. Freeze is walking down the street after he’s just robbed a bank. It’s the hottest night of the year in Gotham City, but he’s making it snow. He stops and says, to no one in particular mind you, “Baby, it’s cold outside.”

Batman ends up catching pneumonia after getting frozen solid by Mr. Freeze. Once Alfred suits him up in a “weather-proof” Batsuit, Batsy decides it’s time to let the poetry flow. What does he say? “Let it snow.”

The worst part about it is how they neutered Mr. Freeze’s character. He’s no longer a scientist who is fighting to keep his wife alive in a cryogenic chamber. No, he’s just a bank robber. A bank robber who blames Batman for making him fall into a cryogenic tank and get electrocuted at the same time. This turns his blood into, *cough cough*, electric ice particles. I don’t think I’m creative enough to come up with stuff like that.

And one last scene; Mr. Freeze ends up robbing a cruise ship in Gotham Harbor, where all the debutantes are holding some kind of ball. He says to a couple of hapless victims, “Just hand me the ice.” When they give him a puzzled look, he says, “Think about it.” And then he snaps off their giant silver necklaces. Jumping off the side of the ship, he tells the captain, “Have an ice evening.”

And so, dear reader, I weep, for the end is most certainly nigh.