What we didn’t know… didn’t kill us?

The BBC News Magazine Monitor had a list of 100 Things We Didn’t Know a Year Ago. I love this stuff.

And so, in that same spirit, here are 5 things I didn’t know a month ago:

5. The iPod Shuffle, my newest little toy, recharges and transfers data through the same jack I plug my headphones into! Squee!
4. PHP. And using multi-dimensional arrays. Awww, yeah.
3. In the right outfit, I look like Bono. I guess it’s better than Screech.
2. In business, if a deal goes south, don’t stress it. Don’t back out. Whatever money you’ve lost in this small deal, you’ll more than make up for by keeping the client, and getting referrals. That is, unless you’re dealing with the Cylons. Then you just nuke every frakkin’ toaster trying to get the Eye of Jupiter off the algae planet… Sorry, maybe I’m a little obsessed.
1. Nikolai’s a browncoat!?!?! And in Done the Impossible?!??! I haven’t seen that guy since High School!

Song for the Deer and Myself to Return On

Song for the Deer and Myself to Return On
by Joy Harjo

This morning when I looked out the roof window
before dawn and a few stars were still caught
in the fragile weft of ebony night
I was overwhelmed. I sang the song Louis taught me:
a song to call the deer in Creek, when hunting,
and I am certainly hunting something as magic as deer
in this city far from the hammock of my mother’s belly.
It works, of course, and deer came into this room
and wondered at finding themselves
in a house near downtown Denver.
Now the deer and I are trying to figure out a song
to get them back, to get all of us back,
because if it works I’m going with them.
And it’s too early to call Louis
and nearly too late to go home.

Type concerns

As you may recall, I am an avid lover of type. It even, sometimes, borders on the obsessive. Just know, though, that it could be far worse. Far, far worse.

I came across this article, in which the author rates movies, both new and classic, on the basis of their attention to type. The most interesting of these would happen to be that a period piece set in the 1920’s has a billboard showing a font that wasn’t lovingly, painstakingly created until the 1970’s.

Or, in the case of Ed Wood, they took a real newspaper and digitally transposed new type over it. This is a novel idea, except the font that they used was completely different from the type all around it!

So, yes, I suppose I am that bad. And the only barrier between me and silver screen type-casting would be time. But oh, the atrocities!

And a very BIG Christmas to me!

So, you could say I was surprised on Wednesday when, upon coming into work, a $200 Christmas bonus wrapped in an origami square was waiting on my desk. I was even further surprised when I found out it was wrapping an iPod Shuffle!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!

And so, in one of the most amazing PR moves in recent history (at least in my life), BIG got on the map, and they’ve been digged 2009 times as of me writing, and had an independently written article on it via Gizmodo. The original article is here.

I mean, hey, if giving me an iPod shuffle and 200 big ones helps the company in any way, I’m definitely happy to oblige.

The holiday issue of Women’s Press

So, the latest issue of Women’s Press was a sort of surprise. We usually release one issue every two months. Well, this is a mid-issue, weighing in at 8 pages, and it showcases the new mission of the Women’s Press. Namely, to become more read and more successful in many other ways, including monetarily. Well, the cover art this month was mine, and I’m even in a photo on the front page. So, yeah… check it out! The direct link to the pdf is here (1.7 megs).

It sucked Super Monkey Balls

Super Monkey Ball for the Wii is a horrible, horrible mess of a game. Don’t rent it, and heaven help us if you were tricked into buying it this holiday season, you poor poor deluded fool.

So, if you’re still interested, here’s my reasons I returned Super Monkey Ball 45 minutes after I rented it last night:

  • The menus are virtually un-navigatable. Essentially, you’re rotating a circle by twisting the ‘mote, and it’s way too easy to either not twist it enough, and do nothing, or to twist it too much, which sends the menu flying by at Ludicrous Speed.
  • The single player was okay. Controls were tight, graphics were so-so, and the characters I guess resemble something cute. It’s just… not fun. I got no satisfaction from beating any of the puzzles nor mastering any of the controls.
  • Once I finished defeating the first boss, 8 levels after starting, I was “treated” to an interactive set of end-titles which had my monkey flying around the screen collecting bananas and bouncing off the rising names. The controls for this were HORRIBLE. Not only that, but this mess of a “mini-game” felt like it lasted at least 10 minutes, and there was no option to skip it. To think I’d have to sit through that every 8 levels for a 100 level game makes me want to defecate on some poor programmers head. And right then, I turned to Nicole and said, “if the multi-player is this mind-numbingly bad, I’m returning it.”
  • Well, it was.
  • There are 50 mini-games for 1-4 players. We chose three to play at random. Again, the menus suck, but moving on. There are sometimes 3-4 screens of instructions for these games, with 3 instructions per screen, diagrams for each. This is a lot of information, and they don’t allow you to read them at your own pace. Instead, they loop through them, so you have to let them cycle through 3 or 4 times before finally getting to play.
  • The instructions also weren’t very informative. Usually, it would take me half the mini-game before I could finally move my character to collect bananas, and the character didn’t respond in any way that felt like I had any control over it.
  • FRUSTRATION. SUPER MONKEY FRUSTRATION.

Admittedly, I had a really bad couple of hours prior to renting this game, which I’ll probably blog about next… But suffice it to say, if you’re already thinking about punching someone and you want to wind down with a video game, do not pick up this game. If you’re thinking about being able to sire offspring in the future, do not pick up this game, because I feel impotent after 45 minutes with it.

I understand this is the third game in a series. Supposedly the first one is good, but I don’t know. If this crotchfruit is any indication, no way do I want to try the rest.