that invisible coat is one miracle of science…

but another miracle happened to me yesterday. never leave a solid Speed Stick deoderant sitting in a hot car, and then try to open it, cause you’re gonna get liquid goo everywhere, that will dry and harden as soon as it comes into contact with any cooler surface.

it was freakin cool. you have no clue.

a bit more of an uplifting post:

nothing works better than a dynia.

the best thing i like about Paper Mario, is that unlike most other mario games, not all the monsters are bad. there are bad goombas, and then there’s Goombario, Goombaria, Goompa, Goomma, and the rest of the really nice family of goombas who take care of you after you fall out of the sky.

too bad bowser still has princess peach. and that he’s stolen the star rod… but you know, not everything can be perfect. and i’m working on it, ok? geesh.

dial down the dynia

this post may turn some of my friends against me, should they read this… but i’d like to offer an alternative viewpoint. i’ve thought about this for a long time, and i think it’s about time i spoke. if i lose friends because of this, then maybe they weren’t very good friends to begin with. this is only my opinion.

michael moore said in a recent cnn interview that he was speaking for the ones who have no voice. i disagree with this. anti-war sentiments run high everywhere the media will care to look. they get a lot of air time. why? i don’t know, but that’s the way it is. this nation is built on the principle that we can all agree to disagree on things, especially if it’s against the current government. that’s what our troops are fighting for.

i believe that this war is necessary. those who know me know that i am not a warmonger, nor a violent person in the slightest. i do like to think of myself as honorable. that’s one of the most sacred things my father ingrained into me when i was little: the value of honor.

saddam is not an honorable person. i’ve heard that he ordered troops to gas an entire town that wanted to surrender to our forces. the places that our troops have bombed had plenty of time to escape the building. the only way innocents would have died in those explosions was if they were chained to the foundation. this shows me that he will kill his own people to inflict damage on us any way he can, especially to gain sentiment among the anti-war supporters in the states.

our george will not kill our own people. i may be a democrat, but i know he wouldn’t do that.

a couple of days ago, our troops found a hospital that was full of weapons, ammunition, full-body state of the art chemical suits, and vials of antitoxins. saddam has the weapons, and that is the proof.

i’ve often thought of the U.S. in this engagement as the only sheriff in a land full of cowboys and varmints. we uphold honor and the dream of peace. we need to uphold these values because if we didn’t, who else would?

certainly, being in a war doesn’t seem to be a good indication of the fact that we uphold peace, but we need to go to certain lengths to insure that we will eventually reach it. saddam having biological weapons is not a step towards peace.

when i think of why we actually entered this conflict, i can’t help but remember WWII… we weren’t a part of the world’s war, but that didn’t stop pearl harbor from happening. as the only hyperpower left in the world, we need to protect ourselves, even if it is preventively.

and so, that is what i have to say. i would like to mention that i do very much value the efforts of the anti-war community to have their voices heard. they are what our troops are fighting for: a nation that enforces freedom above all else. a nation that will fight to protect a public that doesn’t necessarily appreciate it’s protection.

i have many friends in the anti-war majority. sometimes it scares me to tell them my views. sometimes i keep my opinions about the subject away from them entirely. and it’s because i don’t want to lose anyone because of this.

according to my friend kerry, if you work for landmark cinemas in san diego, it is very difficult to be fired.

case in point: one day, a projectionist decided to go to the front of the theater before a movie, and declare very loudly that he was Jesus. this man happened to be naked. he wasn’t fired.

in fact, several old ladies wrote the theater pleading with them not to fire the guy. i guess because even though he was a naked, delusional man, he was such a nice naked delusional man.

i really want somebody to hang out with. everybody here is in school now. i miss my car. email me please if you want to do something before thursday. please?!??!?!

you see, in san diego, there are no stars. you, or i, or anyone, can look up, and there may be one or two dots of light in the orange haze that surrounds this city, but i can tell you one thing: those aren’t stars you see.

the funny thing is that no one sees the same thing. my step-father, when he looks up, he no doubt sees the hope of exploration, the hope of a future where the far-off expanse isn’t so far-off. the newcomer to this city would see romance and nights of wild parties.

when i look up in san diego, i see the pale reflection of a night in san luis, where the stars are only outshined by the moon. i see some very warm places, very far away.

i have realized, over the past two years, that the one thing i dislike the most is when i am judged. my grandparents pulled a “you aren’t fulfilling your role as a grandchild to us” speech today, and for the first time in my life, i spoke as honestly as i could, “i didn’t come here for a guilt trip.” and that was that.

maybe the worst part about being judged, for me, is the realization that the worst thoughts people think may, in fact, be right on. that perhaps i, in my reckless stupidity, have betrayed everything that i once believed i stood for. that i have become someone that has made very careless and stupid mistakes with my life, and that i seriously need to rethink things…

but then i realize that i think i’ve got it pretty good, and before anybody brought up any kind of criticism, i was happy with my life. and that, although a measured amount of self-doubt and contemplation can be healthy, that more often than not i let it become prohibitively problematic. my mind shuts down, and i focus on what a mess of my life other people think i’m making.

right now, i’m ready to say: screw that.

let’s set this straight… i love my dad. our family has grown closer over the past few years, and it’s largely because of his efforts to make that a reality. but often times when i come back home, my dad tells my mom about things that i do that irritate him, and i guess he thinks i don’t hear him. like tonight, when i played some rufus wainwright on the computer to help calm down, and he had a calm tirade about how he thinks it’s stupid to listen to new music when most of it is crap… he listened to ten seconds of my music, asked if it was peter gabriel, and i told him it was not, and then he left, stewing over his newfound decision, and then calmly brought it up to my mom…

it continued into a discussion about how he shouldn’t get a cd burner because my mom might spend more time on the computer if he got it.

i have my own criticisms about others. i have let my dad know before about my disapproval of how he treats his family when matters of the computer arise.

three years ago, when i first got my computer, he would be damned if i put the internet on it, or if i even turned my computer on, for fear that the electricity bill would soar through the roof. today, he spends a good portion of his day on the computer, posting on star trek message boards, and making the rest of my family feel that they have very little business being on the computer.

and so, he criticizes the one thing that my mom and i have the most in common, our love for music. and i sometimes wish that he would realize that the one thing that he and i have in common is star trek, which is a bit more pathetic than music (i can admit that). and i wish that he didn’t have criticisms.

i’m sick of being judged. that’s it, that’s all.

just now, i tried to go to the bathroom, and the handle on my side of the door fell off. perhaps that’s an indication of what this morning has had in store for me already.

it’s 4:45 am right now, and i don’t have a final today. i’m so done that people just don’t know. that’s how done i am. i’ve been up since 3:30 am, because that’s when the world ended. again.

i’ll say it again: the world ended at 3:30 am this morning. i bet most of you didn’t even know. the world turns slowly, the lights are off in your cozy homes, and the bed is nice and warm.

odds are, cnn and foxnews probably won’t cover this story. it’s okay. the world has reached an end many times before, and very few bothered to notice.

only now is cnn coming to grips with how the world ended in 700 A.D.

the new york times is covering how public school 234 survived the end of the world ( Ms. Switzer, the principal, talks about “when day turned into night, and we ran for our lives”). they’re at least a little more recent.

t.s. eliot felt the world end in 1925. he was more emo than any of us. he even told us how it would end… “not with a bang, but with a whimper.” how true. you’re singin my song, t.

but today, three people’s little pockets of the universe came screeching inextricably to a halt. it did before, two weeks ago, yet none of us really knew. and now, the daylight is about to stretch its form over downtown, as if it totally forgot to add magenta and yellow to it’s mix, and it will only bleed cyan.

i should sleep, but it’s not been a possibility yet. so i write.

odds are, i’m going to have another “talk” with sarah’s father soon. this one will probably be much shorter, and may be much worse. fortunate for me, should he want us to break up (and actually express this wish this time) it’s going to be something that will only involve he and his daughter, which is the way it should be.

luckily for humanity, most times the world ends, there is a new one to start with afterwards.

okay, maybe not for the mayans, but we’re talking about the 21st century here. the time of possibility.

so, i’ve fixed my doorknob. now, it’s time to see if i can’t fix everything else.

and so, i rode my bike from one job on campus, to my other job off campus, and i decided to stop by david‘s place, say hi for five minutes. so the scene went a-something like-a this:

hey david
hey ben. say, what brings you around here?
well, i was in the neighborhood (har-dee-har har) and i decided to visit my good friend that lives around here.
ah, you mean brian?

now, no sooner did he say this, than the aformentioned “brian of the headphones” walks by.

this is amusing, because we were just talking about you!
ah, well, i got to go, i’m about an hour and fifteen minutes late for a study session… i was sleeping, and my friend called me to meet her at 2, and i told her i wanted to keep sleeping…
this is a girl you’re making wait?
uh, yeah… i better go.

i wouldn’t leave a girl waiting like that, brian. seriously. (but we still like you, man)

so, then, i rode my bike to my second job of the day, and took a different route. for all you slo-goers out there, you know about broad street between foothill and the highway…

today, it was perfect. the afternoon sun, bright and vibrant, draped itself over the landscape. there were flowers everywhere: in fields, off of trees, out of the sidewalk, on top of cars and houses…

something bright exploded in my soul, and i was content.

this feeling has been a long time coming.

now, you may label me a geek (but that’s ok) because all i want for christmas is this:

the GP32!!!

now, a few nights ago, i told sarah, “hey sarah, all i’d like is to have a handheld system that will play emulated games.” she laughed and called me a fool. (not really) but guess who’s laughing now?

not only can this thing play emulated games (which emulators for everything from Commodore 64 to Game Boy Advance are now in various stages of development), but it can also play mp3’s, mpegs and divx-4 encoded movies

how is this possible? this little baby comes bundled with a 32 bit processor, a screen the size of a floppy disk with a resolution size that the playstation uses, and a usb-connection cable, so that you can download whatever you want into it. i’ve heard about the fact it can read e-books, txt files, jpeg and bmp files, and it can generally solve all the world’s problems.

one of the kids at work asked me if it was waterproof. silly girl.

so, yes. if anybody wants to donate to a good cause… hand me a couple bucks on the street. the thing costs $159, which is admittedly cheaper than the Game Boy Advance. it’s probably that expensive because for one thing it’s a new technology, and for another, it’s a korean import.

this has made my day.